Day 37- letting go in Savasana

At the El Salvador hotel we are on the top level. Our balcony wraps around the whole building and is surrounded by coconut palms, so that when you sit out there it feels like being in a huge tree house. I roll out my yoga mat and set the intention to make my entire practice a meditation. I catch myself
thinking, ‘oh man’ as if that will be a bit of a chore; as if it may take away from my experience of asana. As I start to move I realise why. I have been practicing yoga lately and allowing myself to digress into any thought that comes into my mind. I have been aware of breath and poses, but also managed to be aware of what I was planning to have for breakfast. I catch myself looking at the reflection of my Yogalicious pants and thinking about how durable and comfortable they are and wondering if I should buy more next time I am in Sydney… I catch myself and remember something my friend, Rosemary Dawson, told me when she was reading my palm. She said I need to act based on what I feel and not on what I think.

So I asked myself, ‘what do you feel, Liz?’

I think I feel… ‘

Hmmm. That isn’t right. So I bended back into camel pose and counted the breath. This is, after all, how I would direct a student if they were to get that vacant stare in their eye. I would tell them to count my inhale and exhale for an even count of four and four. So I am counting and find I have lulled myself into the final supine twist. As I lay down into savasana, I can hear the birds and the ocean. I can hear my breath. The asana practice has prepared me for this moment. This is savasana, the corpse pose. I focus on my third eye centre and let my forehead relax. I am always holding on tight here in savasana. I have to tell myself, conscious relaxation. In the corpse pose, we let lie anything that needs to die. Any old habits or emotions that no longer serve us are given the opportunity to meet a peaceful rest and leave us. The earth absorbs these old stagnant energies and when I finally roll over into the foetal position fifteen minutes later, I feel lighter and refreshed. I sit up and close my practice.

One thing that I have noticed about meditation is that when I first sat down over a month ago, I was struggling to get the thoughts to just stop for a moment and when the meditation was over, they would just rush back in. After a while, I realised that when I finished the meditations, I could maintain that peace without the rush back. [As I write this, I look up and see a flock of black birds sweep over the sky directly above us. ‘Yeah, like that’]

Now I realise that there is less of a struggle. I am not saying that I don’t think anymore, but I am certainly less prone to dwelling on stuff that I can’t change. I am mindful of the experience of every moment, without needing to attach to it. After all, this is what I am practicing. Non-attachment. The Buddha says that attachment brings suffering. So non-attachment is the opposite of suffering and the opposite of suffering must be bliss. Sitting on a balcony, writing about bliss, hearing the blackbirds sing erratically and knowing that even when I am not meditating, I can maintain peace in my life…

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