Day 77- I’m sorry

I’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honour.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald

My meditation starts with ear candling but aside from the therapist’s insistence on showing me everything she digs out of my ear, she also digs a bit too deep and my left ear is throbbing throughout the day. I then steep my feet in water full of tiny fish who suck and nibble at the dead skin. The first couple of seconds make me giggle like crazy and then ultimately there is nothing left but surrender and trust. I finish the meditation with a Thai massage but the masseuse doesn’t dress me in the usual outfit so I feel her hands dragging at my skin. All over, of the three therapies, it is the fish I enjoy most. But today has to be a day of difficulty.

Change hurts and solitude can be terrifying but I find that no matter what anyone says, there is a voice inside telling me that I am doing the right thing because we are given intuition for a reason and if we always listen to it, it will never lead us astray.

Jane Hershfield wrote of Siddhartha;
“But there is no knowledge won without sacrifice. And this is one of the hard truths of human existence. In order to gain anything you must first lose everything.”

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