Day 133 – a mother’s love is unconditional

I once heard a woman say that the hardest thing a mother ever had to do was raise her own children so that one day they would no longer need her. Even my own mother told me that nobody could ever imitate the love a woman has for her child and that I would understand this level of unconditional love when I have my own children. I have not yet learned how to love unconditionally as my mother loves me.

I have loved selfishly, with expectations, judgements and attachment. When there are expectations, love cannot be pure or selfless or unconditional. Flaws are revealed and we quietly hope that change will happen. This is not love. I have realised that to merely accept the flaws is not enough. Unconditional love means to love the flaws, to love the imperfections and to enjoy the mistakes. It is to kiss the wounds as a mother would for a child, to cry harder than the child in the hope of absorbing their pain and to sacrifice even one’s own last breath in a final whisper of devotion. If I cannot treat someone in this way then my most sincere act of love would be to pray that they meet someone who can.

When a relationship ends, it is easy to put blame on each other and try to rationalise and justify. To believe in love without pain is naïve. To think another person will love without expectation is blind. To see external love as a saviour is to be lost in the maya, the illusion and forever suffer in the delusion.

“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.’ – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

But if we turn the love inwards, towards the divine self, the essence, the truth, the light, the atman, ‘god’, then it must be selfless. It must be unconditional. It must be pure and continuous. It must fill the cup until the cup overflows with ecstatic devotion. Then that pure love will flow out of the cup and into the world. Only then can love be without pain, for pain will fall away like the layers of illusion. Only then can love be without expectation because it will be in the now. Only then can love save us for it is from within and not from without.

If I nurture my spirit as my mother nurtures me, if I feed my soul as she fed me, if I sacrifice the external world for this divine love as she has sacrificed so much for me, then I can give unconditional love.

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