Day 175 – RESToration

I have run myself into the ground and my body is demanding a rest day. I feel like if I don’t stop now I will end up really sick and I can’t afford to be sick. It would force me to miss out on too much! I feel so lazy and guilty, especially since I got my friend to cover my yoga class and when I wake up half an hour before it starts anyway, my automatic thought is that I could have still taught it! I can’t let go of this feeling like I should be doing more with my day. I haven’t even opened the curtains and it is a sunny day! I should be running or doing yoga, or working or seeing friends but when my friend calls to see if I want to go for a walk with her, I tell her I just need to chill out and be alone for a day and she absolutely encourages me. You know a good friend when they can selflessly tell you to stay home and look after yourself.

It is 2.25pm when I finally get out of my pyjamas, feeling relaxed and grounded and calm. I go for an easy run, feeling like I could go on forever. When I finally turn my phone on, there is a barrage of messages. I feel especially bad to hear that work wanted me to come in five hours early! Well, I think, it would have been impossible. I was still in my pyjamas then! I know it is ok to rest and just simply exist for a day, but I can’t let go of the feeling that I missed out on extra hours, or the idea that I was needed and let someone down. When I get to work, they seem unfazed. Nobody even really noticed. I feel grounded and calm for once and not like a manic monkey, running around all hyped up on coffee. Actually for the first time in a long time, I have no coffee today! I don’t realise this until we are closing up for the night and I realise I don’t feel as exhausted as I usually do at the end of a shift. It is ok to just relax sometimes. It is ok to bail on friends, to leave the phone off and simply exist as a solitary isolated unit. The world continues rolling around me and at the centre, I sit. In my pyjamas.

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