Day 199 – the new moon

You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. Barbara De Angelis

It is one of those days where everything seems to be catching fire around me. I know I have set most of these sparks, but at the centre, I simply watch the ring of fire burn around me and can’t help but sigh. Even with a heavy heart, even with a friend yelling at me, another ignoring me, another in her own pain and the kind of exhaustion that makes me repeat over and over again how tired I am; at the core of it all, I am happy. I am at peace. I know that this turmoil is just another turn of the wheel. I draw the circle in the air and say “merde”. There is no other explanation but that sometimes things just fall apart and sometimes they fall down and sometimes they fall into place and sometimes we fall in love and sometimes we fall out of love. The important part is just to stand up again and fight back harder. When I get to the end of the day, I look up Lynda Hill’s Sabian Symbols. It is a unique way of looking at astrology and always seems to be spot on correct for everything that is happening for me at the moment. Apparently it is all about the new moon. This is an excerpt from her blog:

You may find yourself much deeper in a situation than you may have imagined, and now you are caged by the “walls” around you. There is probably no immediate escape from the turbulence that is happening. You may have had some forewarning that this ‘Storm’ was coming; with pressure piling up, threatening to explode at any moment. You may have had no intention or made no particular movements to invoke this ‘Storm’, however it’s out of hand in your environment nonetheless. The best thing to do is to wait it out and protect yourself, and those around you. Although this may have been building for days, or years, many are often taken by surprise at the sudden turn of events or the intensity of what’s being unleashed. An event or something that was said can let loose a torrent of emotional and physical energy that may be hard to contain. In fact, endeavoring to contain it may result in more damage. Things probably need to blow themselves out naturally. A positive outcome may not come to light for awhile, but things will fall back where they are meant to, in the end. Look back to see what you’ve contributed, as it may help to see a way out, or at least reconcile what’s happened. It’s likely that a number of people have been affected. It may be a disaster, or it may end up being a blessing in some way. See if you can rebuild your community – some people may have to be left out of your life, however.

I read the entire blog out to my friends. Her posts are long. I am tired and I want to stop reading but Krystle asks me to read on because she likes listening to me read. Finishing the post, I draw a circle in the air. The cycle of life, the wheel of fortune and the never ending turn of the planet. Keep spinning. Keep twirling. Keep dancing. Keep falling. Keep getting up. Keep climbing. Just keep going. Because even when you feel like you have stopped, the subtle body will keep moving so you may as well flow on with it.

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