Day 58- temple of silence

I haven’t practised yoga since Puerto Escondido. That is about a week. It has also been about a week that I have been expecting my period. I try not to think about the significance of this as I arrive on my yoga mat; however the truth is I never really arrive. I am moving through my Vinyasa but my mind is a million miles away. I realise that I haven’t been able to walk down the street lately without seeing a pregnant woman. When I turn on the TV, I watch the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda considers an abortion and then eventually decides to keep her baby. This morning, my favourite movie from my childhood is on; Bedknobs and Broomsticks. It is about an apprentice witch, studying by correspondence (like myself) who must unwillingly take on children. The law of attraction would suggest that the only reason this is occurring is because I am thinking about it, so I am attracting these “signs” into my attention. I can’t help but wonder…

As I try to move through my yoga practice I can’t get my mind off the possibility of pregnancy. I am silently calculating when the baby will arrive, trying to figure out exactly how many times I drank more than two glasses of wine, when I find myself (ironically) in child’s pose. Deuter’s angelic song, Temple of Silence, has brought me to my knees and in awe and I lay my third eye centre down to the earth. In this moment of certainty, I have no choice but to surrender to the higher power. If it is meant to be, then it won’t matter how much I want to control my life because my destiny has already been decided. I slowly move out of child’s pose and flow through the rest of my practice with ease. I meditate on this feeling of surrender until I let go of the inner conflict and fear. Finally, I walk to the shops. It is time to find out.

Single line. Not pregnant.