Day 69- the full moon hangover

No, I did not break my detox and get drunk. Last night was a full moon and according to popular belief, that can affect humans in many ways. I always believed that it was because we are made up of 60% water and since the full moon can affect the tides then it can also affect my aqueous body. Whether there is truth in this theory or not, I know that when I wake up, I definitely feel a little… off. According to astrologists, it could be a result of the ‘Mercury retrograde’, which sounds like some kind of party the Mad Hatter would invite me to, but when I look at the community noticeboard we know as Facebook, there is definitely something in the air. There is even a UFO video on my news feed. If this isn’t strange to you, then… never mind.

When I wake up, I feel like my bed is holding me hostage. It’s not that I am still tired; I slept like the dead for ten hours but I just can’t motivate myself to get up. I make three feeble attempts at sitting up and then just flop back down and curl up into a ball. I don’t feel sleepy, or sad, or sore; I don’t actually feel anything. I just keep very still as though the day might not find me if I just stay here long enough. Eventually I decide to start by reading some meditation ideas. I need a good technique today, one so good that it gets me out of bed because my detox fruit smoothie for breakfast doesn’t have the same magnetism as it did on day 1. I try not to think of the raisin toast and soy mocha that I am secretly craving, but eventually it is my trusty bladder than drags me out of the Manchester United covers. (NOT my choice- this is Padang, remember)

After my morning ablutions, I sit down on my cushion, grab a dot of meditation balm that ends up being smothered across half my face and finally close my eyes. I change music no less than three times and finally settle on Music for Deep Meditation, the Healing Power of Ocean Waves and Tibetan Singing Bowls. My flatmate used to hate when I listened to this track because she said it sounded like aliens and when my eyes are closed, I notice that it does have a bit of an eerie feel to it. I try focusing on myself as a drop of water, hurtling through space. I see the vast expanse of ocean beneath me and I fall into it. For a while I imagine myself floating in it, but I suddenly become afraid of the creatures lurking within… so I become one with the ocean. As my awareness expands, I become the ocean and all the creatures in it. Suddenly I am a tsunami crashing against buildings and I have to stop myself and get out of the water. I am on a beach, somewhere in the Telo islands, West Sumatra. There is a long beach break of “spitting A-frames” that Andrew loves. I am sitting on that beach and watching the ocean settle. Eventually it calms down and changes entirely into the gentleness of Long Bay in Malabar, where my home is in Sydney. I am sitting in the water and it reaches to my waist. It barely moves, but is cool and still. Then the water starts rising and I am drowning! HELP! No, I say quietly. The water slowly lowers. I get out and sit on a rock, staring at the ocean but I don’t know whether to stare out to the vast horizon or in to the calm bay. I have to bring myself back to the ocean countless times before I finally open my eyes. It isn’t the deepest meditation I have ever had, but it has given me insight into the power of my subconscious mind. Without a focus, without gentle direction, it can cause fear, grow out of control or try to drown me in thoughts.

Every day may not be a success, but every day I sit with myself and learn something new. Every day I am present, even if it is just for a moment and every day I am more aware of myself. If nothing else, this daily meditation gives me that expanding awareness.

Day 7 – third eye meditation

I begin the morning feeling a little sick so before I meditate I take a few extra minutes getting ready. I wash my face, my hands and brush my teeth very slowly until my stomach settles. I have downloaded a free ebook from iBooks called Meditation: The Essence by David Tuffley. I read through the instructions of the first meditation which seem basic enough and I sit down to mediate.

I close my eyes and focus my awareness on the space behind my forehead. The home of the third eye and the Highest Self (who we call Atman in yoga) that lies at the centre of our being. As I focus all my attention on this space I can hear a flow of internal chatter but it feels muffled, like I can’t quite hear it properly. I keep my attention on this space. Tuffley says, “You know that this place is the centre of your inner universe, your most sacred place and the very heart of who you are.” He also suggests timing yourself by counting backwards from fifty, one count on each exhale. I keep my awareness on the Anja chakra as I breath slow and deep diaphragmatic breaths. Somewhere between thirty and fifteen I realise that I have been unaware of my own counting and meditating in purity for at least fifteen seconds.

When I slowly come out of my meditation I look at the clock hit just on fifteen minutes. At this stage, the first couple of weeks, I am very content with ten to fifteen minutes of meditation a day. It is realistic and very do-able. Had I set myself the task of meditating for half an hour or an hour straight away, I may have been intimidated out of doing it. Starting slow means I can ease myself into the longer sessions.